Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
