I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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