stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
