I accidentally burped into my bong.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
