I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
