She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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