He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
