you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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