at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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