please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
