so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
