Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
