dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
