He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
