So drunk, too bad you don't want this
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
