I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize
