Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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