We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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