Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
