At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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