His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize