after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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