You're my little dorito
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
honey bunches of taint.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
