Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You made out with two different species that night
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize