It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
