is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you traded sex for a burrito?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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