This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
