No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize