Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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