the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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