Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
