I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
