i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
