You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
