That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
