very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
