we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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