today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So. Much. Porn.
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