sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
