im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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