I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You're like the curious george of whores
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just high enough for therapy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
