So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize