you have to choose: penises or morals?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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