My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
