The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
