The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
