More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
