should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
