I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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