The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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