The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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