as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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