i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
