I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
