i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize