I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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