I'm so fucking centered right now
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
there was a trapeze. enough said
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
