found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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