She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you traded sex for a burrito?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize