This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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