i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You made out with two different species that night
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
