I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize