Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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