I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
