sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We need a shit load of segways right now
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
