last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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