Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
