my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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