So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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