I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
