I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
