Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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