a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
