Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
