I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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