girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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