Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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