Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
