I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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