I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
where am i from again
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
