I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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