she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
