It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
