u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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