She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
