I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
