weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
