if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
