Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
