Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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